A Taste for Suffering

6 years ago, I stopped smoking for 3.5 years. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. When I started again, I made a promise to myself that I’d stop when I turned 25.

Here we are. July 1st, 2004. My 25th birthday. Dangerously low on niccotine.

This is painful and un-fun. What a way to celebrate my birthday.

I know all the “yeah but there’s so many wonderful reasons, so you should be happy that you’re quitting, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah bs blah blah blah blah blah blah bs blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah bs blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah bs blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah bs blah blah bs blah blah blah,” so save it. Obviously I know all that crap, or I wouldn’t be doing it. It doesn’t mean that I’m enjoying this, or that I’m happy about it, or that I can even see a single redeeming quality to the whole encounter, except the fact that for some stupid reason, I promised myself that I’d do it, and I can’t break a promise to myself. There’s probably more to it than that, but honestly, I can’t see it clearly right now.

Goddammit, my brain isn’t working! My precious brains!! Bgjhrtle;kj4@!!!!

If only I wasn’t so proud, I’d be a lot more comfortable right now.

3 Responses to “A Taste for Suffering”

  1. On July 2nd, 2004 at 08:05:08, Isaac Schlueter Said:

    Day 2. Still sucks.

  2. On July 5th, 2004 at 06:43:58, Nilesh Babu Patel Said:

    I’m surprised that you can pull this far… i usually quite only for 3 days… and i’m back to “normal”…

  3. On July 11th, 2006 at 19:43:46, Schlueterica Said:

    90% to 30…

    As of July 1, 2006, I’m 27. That’s 90% of the way to 30.
    The itchy spot on my chest is covered by niccotine goo, sandwiched to my skin with a sticker. It’s about time I actually make good on some forgotten goals.

    ……

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