Just an Ordinary Wednesday

Today is just an ordinary Wednesday for so many people. Business as usual for my coworkers here.

But for me, it’s the third-to-last day at DSI.

Is it strange that I’ve been acutely aware of the time left, at every moment, ever since it hit the “week and a half” mark last Wednesday at lunch?

My days here are numbered. They number 2.5 right now. It’s such a bizarre feeling to be in a place where you’ve been for almost three years, and know that, next week, you’re not going to be here any more. And not just “here” in the sense that I won’t be here in this office next week — the movers are coming Tuesday, and we’re handing in our keys and heading up to my aunt’s house where we’ll be staying while we look at apartments. I won’t be in San Diego, surrounded by this city that has become my home.

But, like a guy told me once, if you don’t move when you’re young, you’ll end up old and stuck in a rut. This is the right move, no question, and my feeling about it at this point isn’t even as simple as “excitement” or “anticipation” or “nervousness”. It’s utterly surreal — part of me keeps waiting to wake up, not because it’s so fabulous or wonderful, and not because it’s nightmarish, but just because it’s so strange to feel this disconnected. I am playing along, doing what I know intellectually to be the right thing to do from one step to the next, but it does feel like some sort of unreal joke. Part of me still hasn’t grasped the fact that I really did get a job with Yahoo!, and I really am moving away from San Diego. It’s wondering what I’ll be doing at work on Monday. I tell it No, we’re not going to work on Monday. It then starts thinking about the nice vacation, and what I’ll do when I get back.

Like a muscle that has been trained for a particular task, I’ve found that it requires a real act of effort to really fully convince myself that my routine is permanently changing. Not a day off, not a week off, but a whole new system. My subconsious is still in disbelief.

A big part of my life is ending, transforming, and turning into something else. It’s not the first time that I’ve gone through something like this, of course. The last time I moved any significant distance, it was from New Haven, CT, to San Diego, CA — several thousand miles further, and that time, I didn’t even have a job lined up. By comparison, this is pretty tame. I’ve got a great job waiting for me, which includes a very nice relocation package, my whole immediate family is living in the LA area these days, and instead of 2 weeks of travel, it’ll be about 3 hours.

But things don’t have to be the biggest thing in the world in order to be significant. (That’s the kind of mentality that talks about starving children in India when you don’t like broccoli.) 3 hours is far enough that I’m not going to see the same people every day that I’m used to now. Santa Monica is completely different scenery, and working for Yahoo! is going to be a big shift.

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