I was extremely skeptical that 150 people would all fit in that back yard, and was prepared for a day of herding mammals into tight quarters under protest.

Actually, everything went extremely smoothly, and we all had a blast.

The Drive

The trip up was a nightmare of SoCal traffic. It took us 4 hours to drive from San Diego to La Cañada, which is normally about 2-2.5 hours. The Girlfriend got a red arm from driving, and we were almost killed only twice, which is pretty good for that much car time.

About an hour out of San Diego, we realized that we left the phone chargers behind.
No big deal, we’ll just turn one phone off, and when the live one dies, turn the other back on, and pretty much everyone knows both our numbers.

About an hour after that, we realized that we’d left the digital camera behind.
There was talk of going back to get it after the rehearsal, but that idea was squashed in favor of picking up a disposable.

We made a list that shall be used from this point forward on all overnight trips. JIT compilation is clearly no way to pack a car.

The Ceremony

==> t-minus 00:12:24

We’re going to need everyone to start taking your seats at this point, we’re going to be getting started soon. Check the seating chart if you’re not sure where to go, or talk to the woman walking around with a clipboard.


It’s too hot in the sun! We’ll sit down when they’re ready to begin.


Um…. We’re going to be starting now. Please take your seats.


:: standing still ::

Best Man

:: hands on the backs of people at the back of the crowd ::

:: pressing slightly ::

Excuse me everyone! We’re going to be starting now, and the bride needs to walk through here, so you should all take your seats.


:: shuffle shuffle ::

I had a lot of fun as a best man. He’s like the James Bond of the wedding, an under-cover operative in charge of putting out embers before they turn into fires. The bride and her entourage have already planned everything – but sometimes the best one to fix a problem is the only person who doesn’t have a plan in mind, someone who can think quickly on their feet and do what needs to be done to make it all work. And, like a good 00 agent, he has to be able to solve the problem without consulting the authorities.

When you have 150 people at your home, having 2 agents in the field is probably a good idea, and I don’t think it’s immodest to say that Roy and I did a great job.

What can I say about the actual event? It was beautiful, of course, and moving and touching and all those kinds of words that people say about people when they get married.

SweatPea was the flowergirl, and she only fussed a little. The preacher preached, the bride and groom promised, the best men handed over the rings, and it was done.

The Toast

This is the toast that I gave:

Hi, everyone, I’m Isaac, the groom’s son. We’ll try to be quick with this so that we can get plates on tables as soon as possible.

One of my favorite authors wrote that love is the soul’s recognition of its highest values in the body of someone else. What better way to find your highest values than by being matched on *29 dimensions of personality.* As some of you know, Gigi and my dad met on e-Harmony, and they’re a much better advertisement than that guy on tv.

Gigi, I couldn’t be happier to welcome you to our family; and dad, I couldn’t be more pleased that you’ve found someone who makes you smile so much.

Congratulations, and here’s to finding what everyone is looking for.

The Food

Each table of 10 guests was named for a wine. They were called by table, and they went to the buffet. The food was spectacular, as one must expect from my cousins, Dennis and Tina of Lace Apron Catering.

The Rest

I saw many relatives that I haven’t in years, and met a lot of people that I had never seen but am now inextricably tied to.

The Girlfriend got grilled many times by many relatives. The best was from an uncle of mine:


What are your intentions with my nephew?


What do you mean?


I mean, what do you intend to do with him? He’s male. I know his intentions, and I understand them, they make sense to me. I just want to make sure that the immorality in his life will not be squashed prematurely.


:: smiling over at me ::
I don’t think you have to worry about that.

The same uncle made it very clear that she would be in the Schlueter family photographs, even though she protested slightly.

I figured that if meeting my crazy relatives didn’t scare her off, nothing ever would.

I proposed to her after the photographs, and danced with my new fiancée until the party ended.

Not wanting to steal the newlyweds’ thunder, we waited until the next day to tell my aunts and uncles, and several friends. Most of them weren’t surprised. In fact, my father had already told a few of them several months ago, “My son’s gonna marry that girl.”

I couldn’t have asked for a better weekend. :)

Leave a Reply

Comments are moderated like crazy using a variety of plugins. There is a very high likelihood that your comment won't show up right away, especially if you have never commented here before, but it was not deleted.

Please be patient, and do not post your comment more than once. It will show up once it is approved.

You must be logged in to post a comment.